Recently, on alt.revisionism, I found myself engaged in a very disturbing discussion.  It all began with my extensive revisionist expose of the fake bombing of the German city of Dresden.  In response, a Mr. Daniel Keren thanked me for my scholarship with the following words:
 
Thank you, "madrev". If you exist, that is :-).
 
Though well meant, this response brought up some very pertinent existential questions that I had to address.  A poster who goes by the nym of "ORAC" elaborated:
 
He does have a point. The only "proof" of your existence is a bunch of Usenet posts and a website. I have never actually seen you in person; so applying revisionist methodology, I must insist that you prove your existence to me.
 
True to my word, and to the principle of comprehensive, uncompromising revisionism, I have therefore engaged in a careful examination of said matter - namely, my existence - in the hopes of shedding some light on what must undoubtedly be a difficult and highly emotional topic.

1) Eyewitnesses
 

On first approaching the matter, one might think that the most valuable eyewitness to my existence would be myself.  However, in light of the obvious bias that would be shown by this witness, it would not be out of line to demand corroboration.

A comprehensive telephone survey of those alleged to have had personal contact with me revealed stories that were at the same time contradictory and incomplete.  On the matter of my height, for example, alleged eyewitnesses offered estimates that varied from as low as 5'5" to as high as 5'9"!  On the question of my weight, estimates diverged even more radically, and a few of those interviewed simply refused to answer, claiming ignorance.
 
It is clear, therefore, that unable to tell a consistent story, most if not all of these witnesses were either lying or somehow coerced into testifying to my existence.
 

2) Documents
 
A cursory examination of the contents of my wallet reveled a document that one might, at first, imagine would be conclusive in proving my existence: namely, my birth certificate.  However, further research revealed that this was not, in fact, an original birth certificate, but rather a copy.  In light of the dishonesty shown by the alleged eyewitnesses in section 1, I found myself justifiably reluctant to simply take it on faith that this facsimile was authentic.

The next stage in my research was a thorough survey of documents found scattered on the floor of my apartment.  These revealed numerous letters, bills, advertisements and even a completed tax return, all addressed to someone with my name.  It turned out, however, that most of those who had sent these letters and materials to me had never even met me; that they, in fact, did not have any first-hand evidence of my existence themselves.  How, therefore, can these materials be expected to prove something of which the very people who produced them were not themselves convinced?
 

3) Physical Evidence
 
It is the universal revisionist rule that eyewitness and documentary evidence are worthless unless corroborated by conclusive physical evidence.  It is here that the matter of my existence must be decided.  Indeed, I do sense a physical presence that I would identify as "myself".  However, as I have already mentioned, I could hardly be considered an unbiased observer, and as the technology currently available does not allow me to circulate my physical presence over the Internet, this form of evidence is impossible to corroborate, and therefore can be dismissed as incapable of conclusively proving my existence.
 
Although my research is not yet complete, in light of the shocking lack of reliable eyewitness, documentary and physical evidence, I must conclude the matter of my existence with the old Scotch verdict: not proven.

But do not fear.  I can assure my legion of loyal followers that this shocking discovery will not hinder my research in the slightest.  For Truth is more important than existence, and I would be remiss if I allowed my lack of existence to excuse me from exposing the numerous frauds, hoaxes and conspiracies that afflict our world.  And if the Politically Correct Thought Police make any attempt to use my unfortunate state of non-entity against me, I will merely expose the hypocrisy they manifest in preaching equality and multiculturalism while, at the same time, showing such blatant prejudice and discrimination against the Ontologically Challenged.

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